How does one "satire"?

     "Write a 300 word satirical article on some aspect of our school" says Mr Van Camp.
     "Be sure that it is critical on some aspect of our school- but be sure not to sound like a whiny adolescent! Be witty! Sarcastic! But intelligent at the same time!" he says.

     What a shame that this adolescent completely lacks any wit, and the part of her brain that is supposed to bring forth some forms of intelligence is currently under construction. She does know how to be sarcastic, but most say she normally takes things too far, so she usually keeps the sarcasm to herself. Awkward emphasis on "usually".

     Mr Van Camp makes it sound so easy to dig up a topic amongst all the rubble of a young mind, suitable for an English 12 "satirical article". This adolescent, for example, has piles of spanish verbs waiting to be properly conjugated, fifteen year high school reunions to act out, laws and charters to learn, beautiful poetry to write, musicals to learn, universities to apply to, scholarships to research, money to make, babies to sit on, and now also think of the perfect topic for a satirical article.

   But so little time to complete this simple assignment! It almost seems as if the teachers employed at Princess Margaret Secondary believe that their students take only one class (that one class being the class that they teach), and once they've finished sitting through the 90 or so minutes of a lesson, they simply go home and do nothing. So in order to prevent the students from going home and doing nothing, the obvious solution to preventing teenage boredom is: homework. Piles and piles of homework.
Oh but how this thought process is wrong, so very wrong. Keep in mind, dearest teachers, that there are four blocks of classes each day, and the students have a different class each block, with a different teacher whom also assigns homework.

     But lucky for the teachers (or the students, depending on the perspective) the students, for the most part, manage to pull themselves together and whip something up. This adolescent, for example, more often than not, concocts a masterpiece. And she promises she doesn't leave assignments to the last minute (especially not this satirical which was an extreme pleasure to write), because leaving it to the last minute would be silly. They say procrastination is not the key to success! And if they haven't said that before, they're going to start saying it now.